found this gem of a website while meandering through the world wide web:
“In March of 1973, E. B. White — the author responsible for such books as Stuart Little and Charlotte’s Web — received a letter from a Mr. Nadeau, who sought his opinion on what he saw as a bleak future for the human race. White responded with the following, beautifully written letter.
(Source: Letters of E. B. White, edited by Dorothy Lobrano Guth; Image: E.B. White, courtesy of Wikimedia.)
North Brooklin, Maine
30 March 1973
Dear Mr. Nadeau:
As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. I shall get up Sunday morning and wind the clock, as a contribution to order and steadfastness.
Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say, the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society—things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed, sometimes rather suddenly. It is quite obvious that the human race has made a queer mess of life on this planet. But as a people we probably harbor seeds of goodness that have lain for a long time waiting to sprout when the conditions are right. Man’s curiosity, his relentlessness, his inventiveness, his ingenuity have led him into deep trouble. We can only hope that these same traits will enable him to claw his way out.
Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.
Sincerely,
(Signed, ‘E. B. White’)”
does anyone else get irrationally stressed out about green lights from an approaching distance? for example, i’m driving in my car. i’m happy. i’m feeling carefree. the windows are rolled down, and beyonce is keeping me company when my eyes are suddenly drawn to the glimmer of green just beyond the bend in the road. my heart starts to pound rapidly, and i speed up in the hopes that i will make this light. i can do it; i will make this green light MINE! my car begins to reek of desperation. desperation and false hope, because most of the time, the world likes to laugh at me by displaying the entire array of colors, that tragic transition from green. to yellow. to red. and it hurts. in fact, the pain is agonizing.
world - 232397268, me - 0
WINTER BREAK IS FINALLY HERE! I HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO DO WHATEVER I WANT, WHEN I WANT! so i made these babies.
i forgot to take a pic of all the ingredients, so use your imagination. go wild.
first, the crust part:
next, the mini reese’s peanut butter cup on top of the crust part:
then, the cheesecake part:
afterwards, the cheesecake on top of baby butter cup and crust part:
put it in the oven…
VOILA! i was super depressed the top came out puffy and cracked, but there are sadder things in life, so i got over it.
i let it cool some more, and the puffiness calmed down. except the cracks were still annoyingly present:
here’s the inside:
FIN.
stop complaining about finals. it’s annoying because a) everyone within four years of your age is experiencing the same thing and b) we get it. we know. finals suck.
oh ho ho, you’re absolutely right. i am certainly guilty of the nefarious finals complaints and probably the most guilty, because i am actually a complaining professional. in fact, i could probably put “professional complainer” on my resume, because i am that qualified, but i digress. my main point here today is to argue a different perspective on finals.
finals are awesome!
you know why? i’ll tell you why.
finals give you an opportunity to salvage that paper you bombed or the test you didn’t know you had to take.
finals force you to explore new places to study instead of the boring old library.
finals create study parties. regardless of whether they are a success or failure, you don’t forget the memories you make. things get weird at 4 am.
finals cultivate sympathy. the kind of sympathy that gives you free blue books, pencils, and pens from the honor committee. the kind of sympathy that gives you free food delivered at midnight. the kind of sympathy that elicits a tired, understanding smile from the stranger across the study table.
and finally, finals are just that. final. they signify the end of a long, hard semester. all of your hard work (or maybe lack thereof) culminates into this huge series of events that signifies the close of a chapter to remind us that there’s something waiting and something new just beyond the horizon.
good luck on finals, y’all.
the treadmill stomper
THUNK. THUNK. THUNK. wtf, is godzilla at the gym? likely, but no. it’s the treadmill stomper. he or she is actually pretty amazing because the stomping reaches decibels people can’t even make with a megaphone. the stompers are usually running a little too fast and breathing a little too heavy, which is why it also looks like they’re about to fall off the treadmill. i worry about the future condition of their knees, but a more pressing issue is the future condition of their life. if they fall of the treadmill, they could die.
the sorority girl
she’s super tan, even during the darkest days of winter. sometimes she’s orange - if it’s a spray tan gone so very wrong. you’ll usually catch her on the elliptical swinging her arms in perfect rhythm and wearing a tank that shouts her sorority’s greek letters in bright neon colors. so bold! also, her make-up looks like it’s been professionally done, which makes sense because the gym is synonymous with beauty pageant.
the tool
he’s that guy. the guy who loves his body more than himself. he’s at the gym every day, and his diet consists of protein shakes, protein bars, and more protein things. he can do a million more push-ups than you, and he’ll never let you forget it. did you know that he can single handedly lift a thousand pounds? that’s half a ton, by the way. he also enjoys looking into the mirror while he lifts some free weights because watching the movement of his enormous muscles brings him such bliss.
the old asian man
the “old asian man” is available during late night gym times only. i think they avoid mass crowds because of the following reasons: a) they don’t wear athletic clothing. they work out on the track or bike wearing khakis and a polo shirt or some variation of the two (i.e., cargos and a button up shirt). b) they have weird exercise routines - i can’t even describe what i see sometimes. and c) during these weird exercise routines, they converse with each other in their native tongue, which is fine, except at an ungodly volume, which is not fine.
the skinny psycho workout girl
her legs are the size of a normal person’s arms. if that isn’t sickening enough, you sneak a glance at her treadmill: 10 miles in 2 minutes. what? is that even physically possible? who is this girl, and why is she working out so hard? she jumps off the treadmill and heads towards the mats where she starts doing some pilates moves that make it look like she’s playing twister: the graceful edition. then she works on her legs. then her arms. then her forearms. then her thighs. then her ankles. then her… etc.
the socialite aka the workout diva
usually a girl who’s dressed in super tight but moderately cute yoga gear. she, like the sorority girl, has also perfected her make-up. she has hair that is perfectly coiffed - but like, how does it stay like that? maybe she uses a liter of hairspray! she loiters around the gym for a while, runs a lap or two before she feels like she’s done a really solid workout, which she totally has. then she saunters around the gym making small talk with all the people she knows at the gym, which seems to be everyone except your mom.
a major shout out to ladies like susan b. anthony and elizabeth cady stanton for giving me the right to vote. that’s actually a big deal. but to the girls who wallow in the oppression of gender inequality? annoying. ladies, embrace the kitchen. embrace birthing children. embrace your monthly cycle. actually, i take that back. monthly cycle sucks. tmi? you already read it - sawry. seriously, embrace these aspects of being a woman. but most of all, be okay with embracing the need for guys and their dominance.
i’m all about independence, female independence WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS! GIRLS! that’s my theme song - thanks, beyonce. but here is the undeniable truth: guys and girls were made out differently, and we were made out differently to do different things. and you know what? that’s totally and completely okay, because in the end, we were made to need each other.
but just what is my source for making these seemingly arbitrary claims?
the bible.
legit? i know.
and it all starts at the beginning. sup, genesis chapter dos.
7 Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being… 15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it… 18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals… for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
a couple of things:
1. “then the lord god formed a man from the dust”
man is made from dust. okay, cool. good thing there’s faith, or i’d find this completely ludicrous. also, logistically (or as logistical as you can get with faith in the mix) speaking, it happened or else none of us would be here right now. notice how god made man first, not woman. kind of like he knew how girls would need a good, strong leader to guide us, but never in a way that devalues our femininity.
2. “it is not good for a man to be alone”
WHAT? a guy needs a “helper suitable for him.” boys, god just basically said you need a lady friend. and he’s not talking about the night time ones.
3. “then the lord god made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man”
woman is made from the rib of man. my first point: rib does not equal dust. men and women were not made out of the same thing. however, my second point: woman is made from man. women, we would literally be nothing without men. and my third point: the rib. of the 206 bones in our body, god chose the rib. what the random? what about the collarbone, the hip bone, or the PHALANGES? he’s a meticulous creator, so he didn’t and doesn’t make capricious decisions. did you know that our ribs protect our heart and lungs? it functions as a cage-esque armor structure for the heart and lungs. it also serves as a place where muscles join together; these are muscles that help us breath, move, twist, and bend our bodies. but most interestingly, the rib is the only bone in the human body that has the ability to regenerate itself. and look at that. a woman is made out of these very qualities. suhweet.
to my men, it’s time for y’all to step up to the plate. feminists are annoying, but even more annoying than those girls are the guys who can’t own up to the manhood god has called them to achieve. the path has been set up for you, so take a hint from nike and just do it. i believe in you.
to my girls, we are awesome. we are great. we can do all the things, we really can. we run the world! but at the end of the day, we need guys just as much as they need us, and there’s really no changing that. besides, boys are too cute to just let them get away, so we should probably help them out a bit.
i performed a real life experiment on myself where i was the independent variable, dependent variable, and control group. the results were magical.
hypothesis:
if i begin writing a paper in advance, then i will get a better grade than i would starting a paper the night before it’s due.
independent variable/dependent variable 1:
i started writing a paper three days in advance.
i got a b on the paper.
independent variable/dependent variable 2:
i started writing another paper at midnight and worked up until the last minute before it was due.
i got an a on the paper.
control group:
i lied about having a control group.
conclusion:
procrastination is the key to academic success.
be a good person and spread the word of my legitimate scientific discovery today. if this experiment really spoke to you or you’re just a fellow procrastinator, you can start spreading the word tomorrow instead.
